A Witch's Road Less Travelled

January 2019

What do people look for in witchcraft?
Does it fulfil a spiritual need that can no longer be fulfilled by mainstream religions?
Is it about the feeling that you are part of a unique tribe of like minded thinkers?
Is it rebellion against society and it's pigeon holing of people?
For women, it may be a place that is empowering to them as it focuses on the feminine.

My dedication to the road less travelled saved my sanity about 30 years ago.
I was looking for a harbour in the shit storm that was my life.

My relationship was an abusive shambles.
I had a young baby.
I had been bullied all my life for being fat and not pretty enough.
I had no idea of how to stand up to myself.
I had no self esteem.
I'd come out of anorexia.
I was a mess.
And most of those problems were of my own making.
Grasping at straws.


I floated in and out of witchcraft as it was just too hard to combat renouncing my Catholicism whilst still in my marriage. My strict Catholic parents, who had kept me on a tight structured leash my whole life, still had a huge unhealthy influence on me even into my 20's.

I had been bought up in the times when you were to be 'seen, but not heard' and it was no big deal to feel the back hand from your father if you dared speak up or talk back.

Witchcraft was something that I had been interested in since I could pick up books.
My background is Eastern European - pagan roots were deeply embedded in my soul.
It felt like home and I could not understand why my parents taught me some of the old ways, but did not want me to believe in them.
It was just for 'show'.
It allowed for others of my nationality to have a festival day - but then we went back to our Christian ways.

All I had to do was find my way back.
It was going to happen.
I promised myself that - there would come a time when I was free to be me.

That chaotic time of my life built space, as it totally destroyed me.
That destruction allowed for rebuilding.
It tore up the paperwork that was my life.
Within that heartache I didn't believe in anything.
God allowed this pain?
Yes - we were meant to suffer because we were born of original sin.
This was not for me.
I could not take another step forward with this mindset.


The rebuilding finally came when I relinquished all connections with my Catholic upbringing and stopped being scared of the consequences of what would happen (lovely Catholic guilt - as I call it).

As I left my marriage and stepped foot onto a lonely road on my own, I still heard, in my head, the voices of my parents who said to me "you made your bed - you can sleep in it" when I asked them for help.

A good Catholic girl didn't divorce - what a scandal on the family!
I was unfit.
I could not even keep a marriage together - you just stayed married no matter how hard life was.
My mother was horrified.
She had lived in a dysfunctional marriage - so should I.

I dove deeply into paganism and witchcraft and into learning about the darkness that many people don't touch - the dark side of the psyche.

I dove into trying to understand how I got to where I was and how I was going to get out of that incredibly painful place.

I started to put myself together.

Re-crafting my life was secret.

I did not venture out publicly for another 10 years. I joined a local witch meetup group.
I felt welcomed and at home.
 I bought the crystals and the cape - I attended rituals and learnt to be a witch within a public setting.
It was painful.
There were people here who could hurt as much as what I encountered in my own marriage.
I persisted.
Topics discussed never ventured beyond 'white magic'.
That was fine but I needed more.
I was stuck in a witchcraft that did not seem genuine to me - it lacked depth.
I needed it to build character and fortitude, not just give me a full draw of crystals and a pile of pretty books.

I was still in a turbulent ocean and sinking.

I needed an anchor - not a life buoy.
I needed to dive deep down and discover what was underneath the waves not just keep floating on the top.

I rarely found personal stories to read.
Mostly, what material was available, was about the same subjects just in a different orders - the wheel of the year, different uses for crystals, basic spell work, dreams etc.

Then I found tarot.

Tarot allowed me to use my mind to explore the psychology of each card and to translate the pictures going deeper and deeper.
I could see my life in the cards.
All of the things I had been through were there.
My life in those cards.

I now knew which path to take and as those cards and witchcraft led me to a deeper understanding of all things.

When the student is ready the teacher appears.

So very true.

Maybe, my thought is that, that some of my lessons may be useful to you too - so I hope to share more during the coming months.

Maybe you too are after something a little meatier?

Let me know.

Otherwise, I am just writing for my own therapy - and that's OK too.